I guess it’s done.

I guess I’m through.

I can’t begin to remember

How long I’ve been working on you.

I can’t go on.

Hard as I try.

Sometimes you get to a point

Where it’s better to just say goodbye.


Around the apartment,

I still see the signs of you ev’rywhere.

Sketches and plans.

Boxes of limbs.

The servos and sensors

Of past iterations

Are strewn on the floor.

Pack them away.

I can’t try anymore.


Time to move on.

Shut out the past.

I gave up years of my life

But it still seems it’s over too fast.

Closing the door.

Ending with you.

Last of the series:

Robot Monkey 7.2.


I had such hope.

I thought you’d thrive.

But how do you program a monkey

To love you that isn’t alive?

Far too much work.

Mountains of code.

De-bugging subroutines through which

Some gratitude ought to have flowed.


I thought I could engineer

Something the world would go crazy for.

Something unique.

Something to love.

But all that I got

Was a menace that tore

My apartment apart.

Breaking my things.

Breaking my heart.


I tried to give you ev’rything.

Why do you hate me?

Mechanic’lly you’re fine.

I thought I’d thought of ev’rything.

But you never showed love.

Your heart was malign.


I programmed code for kindness,

Code for compassion,

Code for concern.

I coded compunction

In the hopes that you would learn.

I attempted to code you a conscience.

I worked ‘til I wept.

But you still

Tried to kill

Me while I slept . . .


I’ll be okay.

Yes -- I’ll be fine.

It’s just so hard to admit

That you’ve come to the end of the line.

I’ll try again.

I’ll start anew.

Although Phase One was a failure,

I’ll try and move on to Phase Two.


Part of me says,

“Give it a whirl!”

But I can’t make a monkey.

How can I make . . .




Back in June of 2008, Ken Plume was in the middle of running the very first iteration of Masters of Song Fu.  And I was in the process of discovering more and more of the songs of Jonathan Coulton.  And it was my exploration of all things JoCo that led me to Song Fu.


I arrived at the Song Fu site just in time to catch the second round challenge as it was announced.  In the Masters category, Jonathan Coulton was competing against Paul and Storm.  The challenge?


“Each Master is tasked with writing a song

in the style of their opponent.”


Well -- Paul and Storm went on to write “Live,” and JoCo went on to write “Big Dick Farts A Polka.”  But in Lansing, Michigan, a certain musician was very seriously thinking about writing a shadow entry (before shadow entries even became the vogue) -- also in the style of JoCo.


I wrote lyrics for about two-thirds of the introduction, and maybe even tried experimenting with a melody line -- but then I stopped for lack of time.  Off and on since then, I have thought about going and picking that song back up, but I never have.  Until now . . .



In February of 2010, Ken Plume was in the middle of running the sixth iteration of Masters of Song Fu.  And I was in the process of deciding how to respond to the challenge set forth in Round 3.  The challenge?


“Write a song that involves a recipe for something.”


Well -- I had been thinking about a “mad scientist” song.  A really big, bombastic one.  With a larger orchestration and cool vocal effects and lots of imaginative things.  We had not one but two weekends to write this song, so I was thinking about just throwing everything at this song that I could.  Throughout the song, we would hear this character working through his emotions (either towards the human race or, more likely, towards a girl), and we would hear this character going through the recipe for his doomsday plot -- whatever that turned out to be.


But then I remembered my JoCo song idea . . .



Two birds with one song?  Sounded too good to pass up.




Download “Robot Monkey 7.2.mp3”

(Want the sheet music?)