LEADER:
Ladies and Gentlemen.
In these hard times,
Surrounded by so much uncertainty and fear,
Let us remember that there is always
A bright beacon of hope before us!
Well bad things happen all the time
And catch you off your guard.
But ‘though you’re not sure what to do,
There’s hope when times are hard.
And ‘though you may not understand,
I’d like to tell you, friend --
Your house foreclosed?
You lost your job?
Your pension gone?
Don’t sit and sob!
Just get on board
And trust the Lord,
And someday you’ll get your reward!
It all makes sense
At the end!
SHEEP:
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
LEADER:
Well ev’ry now and then we have to
Deal with loss and grief.
And sometimes, in our pain,
We start to question our belief.
But why waste precious time
On things you cannot comprehend?
Your mother died?
Your baby died?
Your son committed
Suicide?
Forget the pain.
Turn off your brain.
God’s will is hard to ascertain,
But it all makes sense
At the end!
SHEEP:
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
LEADER:
Some try to say, “There is no god!”
But they’re a bunch of heathens.
The Universe shows strong design,
And human beings aren’t an accident!!
And Nature’s wonders offer
Proof a god exists!
And since there is a god,
He absolutely,
Positively
Must be
Good.
Moral.
Perfect.
Wise.
Omnipotent
And omnipresent.
And best of all,
He cares for you!
And even answers prayers!
SHEEP:
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
LEADER:
So if right now you’re down-and-out,
It won’t last very long.
‘Cause Someone’s there to give you help
And hope when things go wrong.
So lift your heart, ‘cause God is love!
He gave His son to save you!
And ‘though you’ve done things you regret,
Rejoice! ‘Cause God forgave you!
No matter how bad things are here,
He’ll take you up to Heaven.
But not the Mormons.
Not the Jews.
Not those Muslims throwing shoes.
Not the Hindus.
Not the Sikhs.
Not those Hare Krishna freaks.
Not the Shintos.
Not Confucians.
Not those mystic Rosicrucians.
Not the Marxists.
Not the Wiccans.
Not those damn agnostic chickens.
Not the pro-choice!
Not the gays!
And not the lib’rals nowadays!
And atheists
We won’t discuss.
Oh, aren’t you glad you’re one of us?
It all makes sense!
SHEEP:
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
It all makes sense!
LEADER:
So send your money!
Tell a friend!
‘Cause Heaven’s just around the bend!
It all makes sense!
(That’s right!)
It all makes sense!
(Praise Jebus!)
It all makes sense --
(And if you doubt even a thing I’ve said --
you’re probably going to hell, too!)
At the end!
